Poems

Beyond the world of discovery that music has been for me, there was always the bigger world, the universe of questions about what we’re a part of, how it works, and how to best fit into the larger whole.

My love of words, a fascination with scientific, philosophical, and spiritual inquiry, and a quiet determination to learn how to be a better human (and a happier man) have led me on a path of shaping my experience, breath by breath, into poems.

Here are some of them.


In the Silence

31 Jan 2017

Sometimes,
I can feel your love
in the silence,
and that is enough.


Want and Fear

25 Oct 2016

I have wanted things
that weren’t real,
and feared things
that weren’t real,
as well.

I have felt unease
that triggered thoughts
of longing,
of distrust,
or hope,
or dread.

Why
have I lived so long
in a world
of my own making,
so often blind
to the truths outside,
floundering
in my own imaginings?

How do we all
live so alone,
barricaded
inside our little universes,
hoping there is
a bigger world outside,
but afraid to find out?


What we always knew

09 Oct 2016

I wish
we could sit together
without speaking,
discovering again
what we always knew
before we tried to say it,
what we shared
when we weren’t trying.

And I am glad we tried.


You mentioned our friendship
and all the wonderful things
we were able to share,
the good and the difficult.

They are both gifts:
it’s the good that reminds us
how joyful life can be,
and the difficult that reminds us
how we can learn and grow.


Relationship

09 Oct 2016

We have pushed each other’s buttons,
touched each other’s wounds,
so many times,
until there comes a time
to ask forgiveness,
and to forgive.

We have blundered
into relationship,
craving surcease,
not seeing the other’s pain.

Seeing this,
Is it kinder to walk away,
or to face each other,
raw and open,
meeting in fellowship?

The answer
may be hard to know,
but may be found
through courage
and compassion.


Every failed relationship
leaves an imprint on us,
both a lesson of what went wrong,
and the touch of another soul
that has made us richer,
and a little wiser:

A PRAYER OF FORGIVENESS

Perhaps
we were never
really friends,
though I thought we were.

And I forgive you.

Perhaps
I only imagined
we loved each other.

And I forgive myself.

There was a pull
of attachment,
a need for comfort,
for validation,
that we could not resist.

And I forgive us both.

We shared
what love and friendship
we knew how to give,
despite the pain we caused.

And I forgive us.


Disappointment

09 Oct 2016

The people
we are most attracted to
are the ones most likely
to disappoint us.

Attraction leads,
almost inevitably,
to attachment,
which leads,
sooner or later,
to disappointment.


Perhaps
I will never unravel
the mystery
of who I thought
you were.

Was knowing you a mirror
for my completeness,
or a salve for the wound
of what I thought was lacking
in myself?

Maybe it was it both,
flickering like light
strobing
through a picket fence.

In a blur of seeing and confusion,
I saw a possibility,
and a dream,
like a drug,
or an awakening.

It was all of that,
two egos chafing,
hearts colliding
in moments of recognition,
and moments of fear.

What remains
is the taste
of someone known,
if just in passing,
a snapshot,
on the way to discovering
ourselves.


Gone from this world

29 Jun 2016

It’s okay
that you’re gone
from this world.

That space
that you once filled
is still alive
with loving memories.

But,
at times like this
I wish
I could send a message,
sharing this feeling
of love
ever-present.

And with these words,
I send it,
and receive it,
as well.


Expectations

17 Mar 2016

To find someone who meets your expectations
may be the worst that could happen,
a time bomb dressed as a gift,
a fluke of chance
which becomes,
in your imagination,
an entitlement,
and then a prison.

To live the illusion
that what you prefer
should be your birthright
is to be unprepared,
and eventually blindsided,
by the inevitability of change
and disappointment.

Better, then,
to embrace the imperfect,
to cherish the impermanent,
and feel blessed by whatever comes,
desired or not.

To love someone’s flaws
and their virtues,
equally,
is to love them fully.

But to love only
what is desired,
is to love an empty dream.


Your Picture

13 Mar 2016

I can look at your picture now,
and see a beautiful friend,
without the haze of hurt and anger
obscuring it.

I see a gentle soul
trying her best,
to learn and grow,
with an open heart.

I can sense the struggle,
as if it were my own,
to move through pain,
towards equanimity
and understanding.

I feel a fellow traveler,
moving on her own path,
as I move on mine,
sometimes intersecting,
sometimes veering away,
somehow connected in Spirit.


The Path

23 Jan 2016

There was a time
when you
were the gateway
to my Self.

Loving you,
and being loved,
opened doors
to the world outside
and the world inside.

Now,
as time has passed,
you’re gone from this world,
but the doors remain open.

Looking back,
I see the path we shared,
leading to this here and now.

From this place of gratitude,
complete in this moment,
I see an open road,
gleaming with possibility.


Relationship

23 Jan 2016

At its best,
a relationship
allows two people
to see
what is
most human,
and most good
in each other,
encouraging them
to be that,
and express that,
without wanting
or expecting
them to change.


Paths

23 Jan 2016

Your path is not my path,
and my path is not yours.

When we met,
there was
that synergy
in the moment,
energies combined.

At those crossroads,
everything
seems possible,
choices
upon choices.

And, yet,
moving on,
we each chose
our own way,
loyal
to our own truth,
willing to let go
of what led elsewhere.

We move on.


On Awakening

23 Jan 2016

Goodbye.

It was a beautiful dream,
and it was a gift to share it.

Like most dreams,
it passed quickly
on awakening,
though the taste of it
still lingers,
drifting through memory.

Slipping sideways,
through the cracks
of consciousness,
it fades away,
a glimpse
of the possible.


Love

23 Jan 2016

If we love someone
with all our heart,
can we give them the gift
of simply being with them,
for at least a few minutes each day,
with love and acceptance,
without demands or judgement?

Can we love ourselves
that same way?


Relationships

20 Nov 2015

A relationship
built on what we long for,
what we hope to be,
is an edifice
too weak,
too brittle
to withstand the throws
of time and change.

It is a castle
made of dreams and lies,
too fragile to stand,
flimsy
with unkeepable promises,
destined to crack and fall
with the seismic shifts
of craving and desire.

Only when we stand
with naked heart and soul,
sufficient and alone,
can we share our Selves
so that something new
may take root,
something supple
and strong enough
to bend with time,
and grow as we grow.


As in a Mirror

06 Apr 2015

From time to time,
something in me
still searches for your nature,
some essence
that I missed
in myself.

I did not realize
that I was not seeing you,
but seeing me,
as in a mirror,
parts I have not owned,
projected on your image.

Sometimes,
I glimpse who you are,
behind the mask of my illusion,
and see the light that is your own.

Yes, I saw it
because it is mine too,
the shared light of two humans,
vulnerable and learning.


Lust can open a door,
But only love
and friendship
can keep it open.


Talking to a Memory

05 Feb 2015

In this moment,
I look to see who’s there,
and I see no one.

Is the mirror of my memory,
only an error in my memory?

Who did I ever see,
across from me,
but a reflection
of my own heart?

Who do we ever see,
except other hearts
that seem to beat,
in that moment,
in time with ours?

Which is the illusion:
that we are separate,
or that we are One?


A Beautiful Animal

04 Dec 2014

You appeared in my life
as a beautiful animal,
dancing the dance of being,
to be sensed, seen, and felt.

A cat does not wonder
how he came to be here,
and, yet, you did.

Living in the moment,
the cat accepts my caring,
but you, being human,
questioned everything.


To a New Friend

22 Nov 2014

Your friendship
is like a warm blanket,
a comfort
when the cold seeps in.

Your hugs,
real and spoken,
are like the purr of a friendly animal,
sharing the warmth
of being human.


Remembrance

27 Oct 2014

Your picture frame needs cleaning,
your essence obscured by the grime of entropy.

Nothing will ever bring your body back,
nor will time erase your spirit,
always alive,
and sometimes glimpsed,
in grateful remembering.


There is a gift you gave,
perhaps unknowing.

In the mirror of your nurturing spirit,
I glimpsed the nurturing spirit within,
which I have always had,
but somehow forgot.

Thank you for sharing what you could,
and pointing me back to my Self,
where all I need
awaits me.

May the light you shined on my life
shine back on you, and
may the blessings you shared with me
bless you, always.


To a Departed Friend

18 Sep 2014

Where is that shoulder I leaned on,
those sympathetic ears?

Lingering in memory,
yet burned to dust,
which I have sifted in my fingers.

You have slipped into Spirit,
years ago,
and still I look for you.

Where will I find that loving care?
it is nowhere to be seen,
but alive, inside me.


Love

02 Aug 2014

When ego loves,
it reaches for what isn’t.

When spirit loves,
It embraces what is.


This Dream

16 Jul 2014

This wall you built
does not protect.

It merely separates
what was connected.

What safety is there
in your dream
of separation?

In my own dream,
I reach for you,
and feel you reach for me.

Both dreams are real;
which dream is true?

Afloat in my thoughts,
I let go, accepting.

I give in to both dreams,
trusting.


The Girl Inside

09 Jul 2014

How safe it must feel,
to the wounded girl within,
to withhold your love
from those who love you,
as your father once, perhaps,
withheld his love from you.

Our love is not perfect,
nor was his,
but perhaps, one day,
you will forgive us all,
and forgive yourself,
and let that little girl
step out again,
wrapped in your own love,
to love, and be loved,
as she will.


All Your Opinions

09 Jul 2014

All your opinions
of how I should live
don’t amount
to an ounce
of love.

Only in those
quiet moments
of simple acceptance
can I feel your caring,
as the real you
sees the real me.


Bigger Than Ourselves

05 Jul 2014

Love is a work in progress.

Time and again,
we bang our heads
against the hard skulls
of our egos.

Sometimes the pain
sends us inward,
retreating into fear
and isolation.

And sometimes,
we reach out,
beyond safety,
beyond reason,
to embrace
what is bigger
than ourselves.


Purest Love

09 Jun 2014

The purest love
is like fresh air to the heart.

Breathing in,
it nurtures and enlivens,
but it cannot be held.


Perfect Animals

05 Jun 2014

Being and playing,
  We are perfect animals;
Drumming and dancing,
  We are perfect animals;
Entwined in love,
  We are perfect animals;
Our minds at peace,
  We are perfect animals.

Ego, Heart & Spirit

16 Mar 2014

Between two egos,
love is an agreement,
A set of mutual expectations.

Between two hearts,
love is a softening of egos,
A relaxing of boundaries.

Between two Spirits,
love is unity,
Without expectations,
Without boundaries.


Once

04 Mar 2014

Once,
we stood
connected,
strong and deep,
open and vulnerable,
like lovers,
like children.

Where did that
innocence go,
sharing little truths,
trusting,
unafraid?

Why do we stand apart,
having once
stood together?
How does fear
drive away
oneness?


Love, Always

11 Feb 2014

“I will love you always”
may be true, always,
because love exists
outside of time.

And yet, things change.
Thoughts and feelings
come and go.

Love seems to disappear,
when the mind rules,
and the heart shuts down.

And, in each moment,
there is a choice:
to re-open our hearts,
to revisit that place,
outside of time,
where Spirit lives.

love will still be there.
It is always there,
as we come and go.


Love and Identity

29 Jan 2014

A Reflection

There was a moment
when we shared being,
with a word,
with silence.

Sinking past separateness,
egos relaxing,
we discovered ourselves
in each other.

Another Reflection

What do we protect,
when we protect ourselves?
The fragile shell of “me”
against the dangerous waters of “you”,
the pushes and shoves of identity
pressing for primacy,
each “I’ a bubble imagined,
guarding its perimeter,
in a limitless sea.


Opening/ Possibility

01 Jan 2014

Opening

it's nice to love you,
    like 2 babies in a crib,
        smiling, playing,
             looking, touching.

               no ideas, no hope or worries;
            no future, no theories;
          no reasons,
       no blame.

a beloved face,
        a delightful sound:
               your voice,
a gentle touch: your skin,
        a soothing warmth:
                your heart.

I see the child in you,
        tender and defenseless;
                I look deeper,
                        and see my soul,
      the soul we share.

Possibility

It's nice to love you,
	expecting nothing.
Naivete leaves me;
	dreams disperse,
		dew-like.

It’s just me, in my life,
	seeing you, in yours.
Our paths veer
	like mountain roads,
		diverging, colliding;
sometimes touching, gently,
	for a moment or two.

This does not fit in any box I know;
	these moments pop into being, and pass.
There is a flow
	that cannot be followed.
These are our paths,
	not to understand,
		but simply to be open to their grace.

These are blessings beyond reason.
	I accept them.

love and Being

01 Jan 2014

It lies between us,
Raw and beautiful.
We stand on the same ground,
Invisible beneath us.
Two drops of the same sea,
It flows between us,
Beyond understanding.


Inconvenient love

01 Jan 2014

It isn’t convenient to love you,
Sometimes it brings me pain -
The struggle to get what I think I lack,
The yearning for safety or gain.

Losing the joy of the moment,
I grasp at dreams that came,
Then I let them go, hopeless and grateful,
And I love you, just the same.


Clockwork

01 Jan 2014

In your clockwork world,
How simple is the swaying of our hearts,
delimited,
finely tuned,
bound by perfection?

What gives life to this exquisite mechanism,
its animal breath subdued,
its wild heart tamed
to a medicated rhythm?

Where is love,
messy and alive,
pregnant and imperfect,
in your clockwork world?


A Dream: A Promise

06 Dec 2013

If you were naked beside me,
I would nurture you
In every inch of your body.
I would love each curve and crevasse,
As I love myself,
As I love this life.

Your skin would be my road,
Your breasts, my hills and valleys,
The space between your thighs,
My resting place.

Your beating heart would be my song,
Your pulse, my dance.
Your climb to ecstasy would be my prayer,
And your release, my answer.


Two Moments

12 Nov 2013

What opens the heart?
What penetrates the shield of thought,
The armor of story?

What lets us stand naked,
Open and vulnerable,
Standing on nothing,
Floating in everything?

Love unreasoning
Rips the curtain.
Light shines through,
If only for a moment.


In the river of everything,
“I” bumps into “I”’,
Melting into unity,
Melding in the moment.

Then the waters rush,
As entropy tugs,
And each “I” re-blooms
Into separateness.

Then,
And then,
The dance continues,
And continues.


Possession

02 Nov 2013

You have never been mine,
And you never will be mine;
And you will always be
A part of me.


The Gift You Are

30 Oct 2013

The gift you are
Is what comes through you,
The love that flows
When you share your heart.
The power that flows
When we share our being.
The spirit rediscovered,
That was always mine,
always yours.


The Dancer

27 Oct 2013

Abandoned to the dance,
You share your aliveness.
We take it gratefully, greedily,
Not seeing it is already in us.

The animal in you calls -
The animal in us,
Blind & lacking,
Reaches out for completion.

Will we find ourselves,
In the mirror of your freedom?


A love poem

21 Oct 2013

There is a dream,
Beyond lust.
A gem of purest love,
Bright light.
A soul touched,
Nudged beyond ego.
Your voice,
your spirit.
I am there.


Something tender

16 Oct 2013

Something raw and tender
Opens up,
When our hearts touch.

Unprotected,
It stings with aliveness,
Stepping out of hiding,
Into light.


A mirror

15 Oct 2013

You are a mirror into my heart and soul.
As our friendship unfolds,
So does the reflection,
Wider and deeper.
From that deepest space,
I see one Spirit,
Shared among us,
Where we truly live.


Purest love

22 Sep 2013

The purest love
is like fresh air to the heart.

Breathing in,
it nurtures and enlivens,
but it cannot be held.


love and You

30 Aug 2013

When first I opened my heart to you,
I was called by your beauty,
By my desire.

Now my heart stays open,
Because you are my friend,
Truly a friend.

Always a mirror
Of what I love in myself.

I was drawn to you
Because of what I wanted.
I love you now
Because of what I am,
What I am becoming.


love and Self

30 Aug 2013

When I talk to you,
I remember who I am.
In the mirror of your open spirit,
I see myself:
I am enough.


Your Picture

09 Aug 2013

Your face,
Aglow in your gentle fire;
Your hair a forest,
Vital and wild;
Your spirit,
peaceful, open,
and free.


Two Poems For N

04 Jul 2010

TENDERNESS

My friend beside me, quiescent and open,
Floating in tranquility.
I snuggle into you, gently reaching.
You drift toward me, slipping out of sleep.

Spoon-like we mingle, slowly intertwining,
Legs a tangle, warm skins blending.
Breath joining breath,
A conversation of sighs.

My heart softly opens, your tenderness unfolding.
The yielding flesh of your breast in my hand,
The gentle pulse of your heart.
Your tears kissing my skin, merging with mine.

You are my friend, here beside me.

TOUCHED

My heart is full, my spirit peaceful,
The fist in my stomach unclenching.
A gentle fountain unleashed,
Like ocean water softly streaming
Into my core.

Down, down, past the soft places,
The passionate places,
Flowing down, through my legs,
Down through the soles of my feet.

This is me, alive and opening.
This is me, touched by you.


Truth

04 Jul 2010

Sometimes the truth is like a weapon,
Sometimes, a way to see;
Sometimes we use it to be right,
Sometimes it sets us free.

And, there are times when it multiplies,
Like the branches of a tree,
Splitting and growing into different worlds,
One for you; one for me.

And somewhere, there’s a bigger truth,
Without a capital “T”,
With room enough for each of us
To grow, to love, to be.


Tender and strong,
Gentle and tough,
Standing solid and open.
Accepting, ready.

Dancing in lightness,
Flowing past the sofa,
Lifted by music,
Your smile floating by.

Steadfast and tranquil,
Eyes ahead,
Feet firmly flowing,
Communing with the sand.

Curled as in birth,
Gentle and yielding,
Reaching softly,
Body and spirit.


Space and Time

04 Jul 2010

I wish I was there to hold you,
curled up in my lap like a baby,
to pet your head, your hair, your face, your eyes.

As you rest in my arms,
I would feel your breath slowing,
your tension easing,
your mind slipping into peacefulness.

If this universe were different,
I would slip through its interstices
to find you on the other side,
and share what comfort I could with my touch.

If space and time weren’t in between,
I would be with you now.

But in my heart’s mind,
space and time melt,
And these things are possible,
and they happen now.

I see and feel you next to me,
your breath and softness filling me.

Your tenderness, your gentle spirit,
awakening my softest self,
vulnerable, alive.


My Heart’s Eye

04 Jul 2010

In my mind’s eye, I see you sleeping,
Nestled with the little cloth creatures
Who befriend you each night.

In my heart’s eye, I slip softly
Into your room,
Watching you, peaceful.

In my heart and mind,
I feel you next to me,
Breathing, alive.


A Poem For My Friend

04 Jul 2010

Sometimes, words aren’t enough,
And feeling floods me,
Like warm water,
Floating me inward, up, and out.

I slide into a parallel place,
A breath away from here,
And there you are,
Your body sleeping,
Your spirit free.
I curl up beside you,
Feeling your warmth, giving you mine.

This is our gentle dance, our silent blessing,
Touching softly across a continent,
A long and tender thread, always between us.
This is our silent blessing, our gentle dance.


Two Dreams

02 May 2009

What if you turned to me, in the middle of the night,
Your arm a gentle snake wrapping around me;
And your fingers brushed my penis’ flesh,
Warming, swollen into wakefulness;
What if your breath caught in the back of my neck,
Rising, sighing;
And what if I turned to you,
My waking lips finding you.

In this dream, I am inside you,
Gently sliding,
Drifting with you.

And, in this other dream, you are asleep beside me.
We drift, side by side,
Dream next to dream,
Soul next to soul,
Floating, peaceful.


Valentine

06 Feb 2009

Well, we may not be Valentines
(because we aren’t lovers),
But I am very fond of you
(and there’s lots of ground that covers!);

Through all these years of knowing you,
Through growing, and through sharing,
I’ve come to marvel that there are
So many ways of caring.


I have lusted after you, it’s true,
And harboured many dreams,
But I’ve grown to hold our friendship now
In a different light, it seems.

To see your spirit deepening,
To watch your courage soaring,
Enriches what I feel for you
(in a way that’s never boring!)


Yes, we’ve had our ups and downs,
And our path has not been clear,
Yet a spirit lives beneath all that
That I hold very dear.

So, whatever else may be the case,
I know that I love you,
And I’m sending you this wish, my friend -
Happy Valentine’s to you!