I wish
we could sit together
without speaking,
discovering again
what we always knew
before we tried to say it,
what we shared
when we weren’t trying.

And I am glad we tried.

You mentioned our friendship
and all the wonderful things
we were able to share,
the good and the difficult.

They are both gifts:
it’s the good that reminds us
how joyful life can be,
and the difficult that reminds us
how we can learn and grow.

We have pushed each other’s buttons,
touched each other’s wounds,
so many times,
until there comes a time
to ask forgiveness,
and to forgive.

We have blundered
into relationship,
craving surcease,
not seeing the other’s pain.

Seeing this,
Is it kinder to walk away,
or to face each other,
raw and open,
meeting in fellowship?

The answer
may be hard to know,
but may be found
through courage
and compassion.

Every failed relationship
leaves an imprint on us,
both a lesson of what went wrong,
and the touch of another soul
that has made us richer,
and a little wiser:

A PRAYER OF FORGIVENESS

Perhaps
we were never
really friends,
though I thought we were.

And I forgive you.

Perhaps
I only imagined
we loved each other.

And I forgive myself.

There was a pull
of attachment,
a need for comfort,
for validation,
that we could not resist.

And I forgive us both.

We shared
what love and friendship
we knew how to give,
despite the pain we caused.

And I forgive us.

The people
we are most attracted to
are the ones most likely
to disappoint us.

Attraction leads,
almost inevitably,
to attachment,
which leads,
sooner or later,
to disappointment.

Perhaps
I will never unravel
the mystery
of who I thought
you were.

Was knowing you a mirror
for my completeness,
or a salve for the wound
of what I thought was lacking
in myself?

Maybe it was it both,
flickering like light
strobing
through a picket fence.

In a blur of seeing and confusion,
I saw a possibility,
and a dream,
like a drug,
or an awakening.

It was all of that,
two egos chafing,
hearts colliding
in moments of recognition,
and moments of fear.

What remains
is the taste
of someone known,
if just in passing,
a snapshot,
on the way to discovering
ourselves.

To find someone who meets your expectations
may be the worst that could happen,
a time bomb dressed as a gift,
a fluke of chance
which becomes,
in your imagination,
an entitlement,
and then a prison.

To live the illusion
that what you prefer
should be your birthright
is to be unprepared,
and eventually blindsided,
by the inevitability of change
and disappointment.

Better, then,
to embrace the imperfect,
to cherish the impermanent,
and feel blessed by whatever comes,
desired or not.

To love someone’s flaws
and their virtues,
equally,
is to love them fully.

But to love only
what is desired,
is to love an empty dream.

I can look at your picture now,
and see a beautiful friend,
without the haze of hurt and anger
obscuring it.

I see a gentle soul
trying her best,
to learn and grow,
with an open heart.

I can sense the struggle,
as if it were my own,
to move through pain,
towards equanimity
and understanding.

I feel a fellow traveler,
moving on her own path,
as I move on mine,
sometimes intersecting,
sometimes veering away,
somehow connected in Spirit.

There was a time
when you
were the gateway
to my Self.

Loving you,
and being loved,
opened doors
to the world outside
and the world inside.

Now,
as time has passed,
you’re gone from this world,
but the doors remain open.

Looking back,
I see the path we shared,
leading to this here and now.

From this place of gratitude,
complete in this moment,
I see an open road,
gleaming with possibility.